Before I begin this post on how to control your emotions, I want to give full credit for the information in this post to Noah St. John, the author of the book I derived this post from called “The Secret Code of Success.” I cannot recommend this book enough as it has completely changed my life and also the lives of thousands.

Check out his book here: The Secret Code of Success: 7 Hidden Steps to More Wealth and Happiness

You Learned How to Control Your Emotions… Or So You Thought…

Many self-help gurus that I have heard when dealing with how to control your emotions say pretty much the same message that boils down to “ah, just ignore it” or to get rid of negative thoughts just think positively and those nasty mean negative thoughts will just vanish into thin air, never to worry you ever again.

How many people here have tried that method of how to control your emotions and it just hasn’t worked? (By the way, I’m raising my hand on this one, too.)

What really needs to be understood is the fact that no one in their right mind ever really wants to think negatively. For the most part, it just happens when you least expect it. Unfortunately that is usually the time when you really need all your wits about you, and then the monkey wrench of doom gets thrown into your mental machinery.

Emotional memories, both negative and positive, tend to last a very long time. Chances are pretty good that if you grew up as a human being you have gone through some things or had some things said to you at very defining moments that didn’t just leave a mark, it left a deep scar. Even if you cover up that scar and try to hide the memory, that scar, and the memory it carries, will still be there.

Another, and possibly more accurate, analogy is if you own a pet there are chances that, unless it was already housebroken when you got it, it left little… um, treats… in various places. Maybe it even left one or even many said treats in your bedroom. Now, let’s say instead of scooping the treat up and getting rid of it you decide to throw some newspaper on it. What do you think would happen to that covered mini loaf on the floor?

Would it magically, through the power of wishful thinking just scoop itself up and do a swan dive into the trash can or toilet, or would it just sit there… decomposing… adding an even more pungent odor than when it originally started?

Now with this fun scenario a few things start to happen:

1. The smell, even though it originally came from your private room, begins to find its way through the rest fo your house. If you have any guests, don’t worry, they won’t be there for very long… or come back. Ever.

Just like this house scenario, the negative head trash, though it originates inside the private recesses of the mind, begins to affect everything that you do, from how you look for solutions, to how you deal with different relationships, to how you treat yourself on a daily basis.

2. The carpet starts to develop a stain that will get tougher and tougher to get up as time goes on, as it begins to weave itself into the very fibers of your carpet. Now, as an added bonus, the stain also leaves its mark in the form of the paint-peeling scent of the original product. Even should you finally decide to scoop it up and toss it, the problem is still there and must be dealt with in more thorough ways.

In essence, the longer it’s there the harder it is to completely get rid of it, as over time it begins to become one with the scenery in every imaginable aspect.

3. But let’s say you don’t scoop it up at all; you allow it to sit and age like a fine wine. Now the pet you have has it in its furry little head that it’s completely okay to drop a deuce anywhere it pleases with no repercussions whatsoever. Now instead of just one pet treat haunting you, you now have two, or three, or who the hell knows how many at this point, all over the house.

If This Wouldn’t Work For Your House, Why Would Anyone Think This Would Be How to Control Your Emotions?

When you allow the world to simply dump its trash on you the first time and not do anything about it, you are sending out an unconscious signal to the rest of the world that it’s okay to treat you like garbage. It comes through in many ways you may not be aware of, such as the way you walk, the way you speak to others, the routine you keep every day, and so on. If you don’t have enough respect for your own space, both inside and outside your mind, no one else will either.

If a home were allowed to take its course like this, it would only take a matter of months until it was so thoroughly destroyed that it would have to be condemned. Yet somehow along the way we decided that this would be the best way in dealing with the garbage in our own minds. It’s not your fault; I didn’t learn about this until a few months ago, and I just turned 32.

So now you know that it helps to take out the garbage every once in a while. Maybe you might be reading this and you realize that it’s garbage day. If so, feel free to make a mad dash to your garbage bin and wheel it to the curb so the nice trash people can pick it up so your house won’t stink from old trash. You’re welcome.

But unfortunately, even though it is vital to get rid of our own head trash how do we go about doing it? There aren’t any bags or even recycle bins for head trash, and we definitely don’t have anyone to drive by every week or so to take it from our home to dump into a nearby landfill or formerly pristine source of drinking water. Even worse, the rotten stuff we have floating between our ears has been accumulating & stinking up the place since very early childhood. In short, we don’t just need to empty out the trash, we need to steam clean the carpets and set off some bug bombs for good measure.

All joking aside, what I am about to share with you about how to control your emotions can absolutely change everything in your life, but I do warn you that you need to go through every single step. DO NOT just do step one and stop! That will be by far the most difficult step, and if you stay there in this exercise, you may end up stuck there in your life for a long time until you make the decision to work through it. Only now the pain will be stronger as it’s now right in front of your face. Keep going through all the steps and you will find within yourself the power to change your destiny.

I cannot stress this enough: stick with it!

How to Control Your Emotions by Facing & Banishing Your Internal Demons Once and For All:

1. Bringing the Demons Into the Light:

Write down as many painful events that you can remember or as many as you can deal with at this moment in time. Also, write down what you now say to yourself when you get faced with a similar situation in life that stems from that painful event. For instance, if you had a nasty breakup with someone that you had a deep feeling of love for, you may have something in your mind that says something along the lines of “women (or men) don’t want me or find me attractive,” or “I am tragically repulsive to women (or men),” or “women (or men) are evil and will hurt me simply because they know they can.”

Doing this step full force will take a lot out of you, as you may be digging deep into some extremely painful and scarring moments in your life. Push through it and write down as much as you can. If there is a moment that comes to mind that absolutely makes you physically wretch in pain or fear, stop digging for now, write down that particular event & deal with that particular demon first. Deal with the worst first and come back to the rest later.

As the title suggests, our demons exist in the darkest recesses of our minds, and we are bringing our demons kicking and screaming into the light. This step is painful, but it is absolutely necessary to kill them off once and for all.

After you feel that you have finished or have written all you can deal with at this moment in time, take a 5 minute break. You earned it. Then move directly to the next step.

2. Smack Your Demons with Facts:

Take a look at the negative self talk you feed yourself that you have written down. Go down the list, take a look at each one, and ask yourself “When in my life has the exact opposite of this been true in my life?” and *write down your answers!* It is crucial to write this down, just like in the previous step, to bring these memories into the light of conscious physical reality.

Using the first example again, maybe at this moment you begin to realize have lots of friends of the opposite sex that care deeply for you. Maybe you even had wonderful romantic relations with them as well. It’s amazing the things we notice in our lives once we begin to focus on the things that serve us. Write them down. Some of these particular memories may be difficult to find at the beginning. Keep looking until you find them; they’re in there somewhere.

Even better, you may find multiple examples of when the crappy self-talk turned out to be wrong. Write down every single example that comes to mind. The more you find, the more power you will find yourself having over the pain that once held your entire life hostage.

3. Ask the Right Questions:

As stated before in a previous post that you can read in my subconscious mind training series, our subconscious mind responds much better to asking ourselves questions as opposed to reciting statements that we may or may not believe. In this case, since you are trying to uproot very deeply rooted negative beliefs, saying statements that are directly opposite to these beliefs will be met by your subconscious mind by the utmost resistance.

Questions, however, are not meant to believed, they’re meant to be answered. When you ask questions, your subconscious mind goes to work looking for the answers to these questions. When you start to ask the right questions, and ONLY the right questions, that is when you begin to experience powerful change in your life.

For instance, keeping with the example I mentioned in step one, if you have been asking yourself why you have horrible luck with the opposite sex, now is the time to begin asking yourself “Why am I so irresistably attractive to the opposite sex?” or “Why do beautiful and amazing women (or men) love being with me?”

This step is not a one shot deal; this particlar step you will want to repeat to yourself every single day, out loud whenever possible. Keep looking for questions that lead you away from where you don’t want and guide you toward the life you do want, and repeat them every morning when you wake up & just as you tuck yourself into bed at night.

4. Share These Lists from Steps 1 & 2 With Some You Trust & Get Feedback:

I was about to list this step as “optional, but recommended,” but the simple fact is that you should never have to deal with these kinds of demons alone. Chances are you have been going at this alone all your life and it’s worn you down to a nub. It’s time to call in some reinforcements. If you are afraid to share these lists with anyone, that is perfectly understandable. But to really break through with this it must be done.

Find someone who is very close to you that you feel you can trust with what you are about to share with them. Read off each item in the list one at a time, as in read one item from step one, then every item in step 2 that pertains to what you just read in step one. Give your partner time to digest what they just heard so they can share their thoughts with you on what you just shared with each item on these lists.

What you will likely find is that most people will usually see the things you mention in step two played out in front of them far more often than the items in step one in the life of your relationship to this point. More often than not, your partner will act to reinforce everything you just mentioned in step 2, making those wonderful memories even that much more powerful.

If possible, and if it’s okay with your friend, record the conversation you are about to have so you can listen to it when these negative memories and thoughts try to come back and haunt you. Let’s be real here, you won’t kill these demons off in just one night. You need to be vigilant in guiding your thoughts & emotions in the right direction, and there really is no more powerful guide than a trusted friend that truly cares for you and is more than happy to help you up along the way.

Now that you have gone through this article, you now know exactly how to control your emotions and empty out the trash between your ears that has been haunting you your entire life. However, as powerful as this exercise is, and you shouldn’t have to do most of the exercise ever again, you absolutely should keep records of what you just accomplished in this exercise to go back to whenever you feel yourself going off the rails.

If you really sat down & did this exercise you found strength within you that you may have been completely unaware you even possessed. Keep this in front of you at all times to serve as a reminder of what you now have the power to conquer, and you will begin to realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot do.

Image: thephotoholic @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

After completing this exercise on how to control your emotions, click the following link to get more in-depth subconscious mind training.